If Only
by ItsCloYe
Summary: When Ciel reminisces over his ex foe, Ciel finds his place with Alois, only to be pulled away again.
He woke from his ever recurring nightmare. He didn't know why the nightmare bothered him so much. It consisted of... _Alois._ Ciel exhaled and shifted his weight so he was standing up. He stumbled over to his floor length mirror that stood 10 paces to the right and he stared at his reflection. Staring right back at him was two peculiar eyes. He missed the single blue eye that reminded him of his humanity. Instead, a red demonic eye that he didn't recognize stared back with a cold, emotionless stare... _if only._

Ciel heard a slight tap on his door. He turned as Sebastian, his demon butler, walked in with a tray that was topped with herbal tea and scones.

''Good Morning,'' hummed Sebastian, as he placed the tray on Ciel's bedside table, ''Did you sleep well, Master?''

Ciel sighed, it would be embarrassing to mention the terrible nightmare he had.

''It was fine.'' Ciel spoke half-heartedly, he was only a butler after all. Ciel sat down on the edge of his bed whilst Sebastian picked out his day wear. A hand tailored blue suit, with a ruffled shirt and polished shoes. He dressed Ciel, taking his time to button up Ciel's shirt. He helped place Ciel's eyepatch on, over the eye that obtained the pentagram - a symbol of their demonic contract, and then placed the Phantomhive ring onto Ciel's delicate thumb. Ciel watched Sebastian as he spoke about the day's plans. He wasn't paying full attention as his thoughts were on someone much more significant... _if only._

Ciel wandered down the hall, heading to his study where he plans to practice chess, he was listening to all the wondrous noises that filled the manor. He could hear Mey-Rin clanking about, possibly breaking a few bowls here and there. Ciel sighed but continued to walk through the door of his study. He walked over to his chair and flopped down. In front of him was the chess board, which already had the chess pieces carefully positioned. Ciel leant forward and slowly began to rub his temples. His head hurt and he still couldn't get _him_ off of his mind. Maybe playing chess would ease his thoughts. Ciel kept playing when he heard a distant noise, he looked up to see someone sitting opposite him. Could it be? He kept staring, completely astonished. That's when the scene changed. He was in the middle of the forest, the sky was dark and the only light was from the moonlight that fell in between the trees. What was before just a still figure, was now something more. The noises emitting from the scene was making Ciel nauseous, he could could feel his stomach churning up inside of him. The scene that was played in front of him consisted of Alois himself, the cause of all his stress. _Alois,_ he thought. Then there was a tall man, familiar, but he didn't care. Ciel's eyes and heart was locked onto Alois. He watched Alois's eyes fill with terror as he walks backwards, blood dripping from his stomach. _I remember, I did that._ Ciel's heart clenched and guilt spilled out of his eyes as he cried silent tears. The tall man was walking closer to Alois, causing Alois to scream Ciel's name. Ciel's mouth dropped but the tears still continued to spill, he had no choice but to watch through his glazed over eyes. All in one swift movement, Alois's attacker sliced Alois's throat. Ciel watched in horror as Alois's eyes rolled back and he heard him choke on his blood, which was profusely gushing out of his mouth. Ciel ran over, but was being pulled away. Why couldn't he reach Alois? _If only..._

Ciel's eyes snapped open, he was in reality. Staring down at the chess board that was now nearly empty as he managed to knock most of the pieces off onto the floor. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision. Ciel couldn't comprehend what he was feeling. Sebastian came storming in, he looked oddly worried.

''Master, are you okay?!'' Sebastian walked briskly over to Ciel and wiped his face with a handkerchief.

Ciel sighed, ''It's nothing, just a bad dream. I'm surprised you're so worried.'' Ciel said mockingly.

''Well,'' Sebastian's face turned smug, ''I am one hell of a butler.''

Ciel rolled his eyes as Sebastian recited his overused line once more. Ciel abruptly put his hands on the table, knocking the last chest pieces of, pushing himself off his chair. Ciel ran his fingers through his hair and turned around, facing the door infront of him. As he went to walk through the open double doors, he was stopped by a large hand gripping his forearm

''Master, it may not concern me but itmay be a great relief if you tell me what is causing you such distress.'' Sebastian looked generally concerned which caused Ciel to give in. Ciel reluctantly sat down in his chair and faced Sebastian, ready to spill what has caused him such pain. _If only..._

After what seemed like hours of constant explanation, which was broken up between sobs, he finally came to an end. Sebastian looked somewhat shocked, maybe he was surprised that Ciel cared so much for Alois. Finally, Sebastian raised his eyebrows, like he has suddenly came up with an answer for the situation.

''Well Young Master, I guess there's a way to help.'' Sebastian stroked his chin, thinking hard about what he should do. Like a bulb flicking on, Sebastian had a great thought and went to get the 'antidote'. When Sebastian returned he handed Ciel a small glass that looked and smelt illegal.

Ciel turned his nose up to it, pushing it across the table and refusing to drink from it.

''Sebastian, what in the heavens is that?'' Ciel was repulsed by the smell and looked at Sebastian with a strange look.

''Why Master, it's the antidote. Do you wish to be rid of them wretched dreams?'' Sebastian spoke with a 'matter of fact'' tone which made Ciel reconsider drinking the slime that lays at the bottom of the glass. Ciel inhaled as if it would be the last time and he quickly chucked back what was in the glass. _If only..._

It slid down his throat. It felt like it was burning him raw and he wanted to claw it out of his neck. When it reached his chest, he closed his eyes, waiting for the burning sensation to leave. After a good few minutes, the sensation left and he opened his eyes. He was half expecting to see Sebastian look at him, completely amused, instead he was alone. How long was his eyes closed for? He was startled by the loud sound of someone knocking on the door of the study. Getting up, feeling slightly dizzy, Ciel stumbled to the door. As he opened the door, he saw the most beautiful thing ever. Alois's face. Ciel was completely lost for words as he saw Alois properly for the first time in a while, his fine facial features, his gorgeous blue eyes, his light blonde hair. Ciel was further shocked when Alois acknowledged him. Alois lightly put his hands onto Ciel's chest, pushing him back into the study. Ciel loved the way Alois touched him, it brought back memories. Sad memories that he pushed him away but happy that he was here again.

Alois smiled, showing off the heart melting grin that made Ciel's knees shake. ''Well someone looks happy to see me?'' Alois said in his usual cheerful manner.

Ciel's eyes started to spill, he couldn't believe it. Alois watched the first tear roll down Ciel's cheek, onto his ruffled shirt.

''Alois, I-I missed you so much.'' Ciel struggled to get the words out, he hasn't been so honest with himself since his parents died.

Alois began laughing lightly, he was amused to see Ciel in such a state over him. Alois leant over and closed in on Ciel's ear,

''If you missed me so much, you'd let me play with you.'' Alois's voice was low, sending Ciel into a slight spazm. How does his words have such an effect on Ciel?

This would be a first for Ciel, but there's nothing he wanted more but to please Alois. So, when Ciel nodded in agreement, it shocked Alois.

The shock didn't last long though, Alois soon had a tight grip of Ciel's hand and was pulling him out of the study, towards Ciel's room. _If only..._

Once they reached his room, Ciel turned to see Alois. Before he knew it, Alois's lips locked onto his. Ciel's body became rigid as their bodies came closer together. Alois pressed himself up against Ciel, itching for more. Alois started tearing at Ciel's clothes as Ciel carefully unbottoned Alois's coat. Being taller and better built than Ciel, Alois was able to pick Ciel up, forcing Ciel to wrap his legs around his waist as he carried him and dropped him onto the bed. Alois leaned over Ciel and whispered in his ear again, ''I've never heard you scream my name before.''

Alois traced Ciel's ear with the tip of his marked tongue, causing Ciel to shiver in pleasure. Alois then moved to his neck, biting lightly, causing Ciel's stomach to flutter with excitement. As Ciel arched his back upwards, Alois pushed his hand underneath Ciel. With his other hand, Alois ran his finger tips through Ciel's soft hair, getting a good grip of it, pulling it slightly. Ciel accidentally let out a slight moan, making him blush. Alois ran the hand underneath Ciel, back to his stomach and glided it up his stomach up to his abdomen. Ciel had never wanted anything more than he wanted this. Alois was teasing Ciel to his very limit, making his toes curl on edge. Alois rubbed his body onto Ciel's, increasing the temperature between the two. Alois just couldn't resist. He wanted to ravage Ciel. Ciel could see the anticipation in Alois. He knew he wasn't going to hold back, but Ciel didn't want him to. As the atmosphere in the room got increasingly more intense, Alois took action and used his strength to flip Ciel over so he was flat on his stomach. Ciel could feel Alois's hot body on top of him, making him feel helpless. Alois continued to tease him, running his nails down Ciel's sides, scratching lightly, sending a positive sensation down Ciel's spine. He couldn't possibly wait any longer, he was reaching his limit of endurance and so he forced out words to make Alois do what he wanted...''Ngk, Al...ois... please..." Alois was taken back by Ciel's begging, he's never seen him so needy, and it made him want him more. Alois grasped Ciel's hair and pulled it towards him, stretching Ciel's neck to face him. ''Scream my name...'' Alois said moments before he guided his hips, and pushed himself deep inside Ciel... _if only..._

Ciel groaned loudly as Alois started to create a pace. Alois made sure he wasn't gentle, causing pain for Ciel, but that pain soon turned into undeniable pleasure, Alois was waiting for him to scream. Alois leant forwards and spoke to Ciel,

''Say it Ciel, say you're mine.''... _if only_. Ciel turned slightly, trying his best to hold back his pleasurable moans. He swallowed once before saying,

''I...I'm yours... ngk...'' Ciel practically choked on the words as he reached his climax. His body shuddered with adrenaline and he let out one last loud moan. ''Ahh..aa, I'm gonna... gah!'' Alois's fluid filled Ciel, the warmth grew inside Ciel as it seeped out and dripped onto the bed. Alois pulled out and flopped to the side, he was panting heavily and was covered in sweat. Completely exposed, just like Ciel. Ciel rolled over to see Alois's face... _if only..._

Alois looked over and smiled,

''You've made me happy for once,'' Alois' smile made him look like he really appreciated it, he came closer to Ciel's face and got up slightly. Ciel felt the atmosphere in the room suddenly change and Alois's face turned from joyful to serious, almost sad. ''If only you didn't kill me Ciel..''

Ciel's face dropped, he shook his head in denial as he watched the scene from his reoccurring nightmare play out in front of him. Alois shook a little and took a pace back, his body shuddered and his eyes began to roll back into his head. A faint line formed on his neck before it began to seep blood. The blood was clotting and coming out in clumps. You could hear the trickle of blood fall to the ground. Ciel was crying, screaming Alois's name out. Alois fell onto his back. He was choking on the blood that was clotting up his throat and was spewing out of his mouth. Dirtying up the floor. Ciel ran over to him, he wanted to stop this.

That's when he felt the pull, he couldn't reach Alois again, he kept trying to reach him but he was being pulled away from him. The room began to close in on Ciel. Darkness overwhelmed him and he felt suffocated… _if only…_

Ciel woke up, startled. He was facing the chess board in his Study and chess pieces were everywhere. Ciel was panting and was still shaking his head in denial. Tears fell onto his lap as he stared at the door...

 _If only this was just a nightmare, Ciel. If only you didn't kill Alois._

 **THE END.**

 **By Clo and Becca (Miisanthropyy)**

 **(side note: this story was originally uploaded onto wattpad on the account chloepaigeey, since then we've improved it a little, hope you enjoyed it :) )**


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